The Journey Towards Healing
When it was clear that I lost a number of my scripts early last month, one resolution came to mind: it was time to pull the curtain. Time to reflect on the dance I have performed, the minds and hearts I have influenced. It was not an exciting idea to rewrite six months’ worth of scripts, but I have returned to the stage. Once again, I seek to confront the abyss and pour out my thoughts, hoping to influence change in some way, shape, or form. Today, I will address rediscovering the self.
Such a topic raises many questions. Rediscover? Do I intend to imply that the self is lost? If that is the case, to what is it lost? For those healing, trying to find a new direction in life, hoping to elevate themselves from one position to another, the simple method is first to rediscover the self. How does one rediscover themselves?
Some years back, after a long dinner, a friend asked me, “What do you think is the biggest gift one can give themselves?” The rationale or the motive behind the question I will never know, but the answer, by the will of the gods, will remain anchored in my mind: “To allow myself to meet the self, irrespective of the pain it might cause.” The truth is that the version we hold in our minds is whatever people have told us, whatever character we seek to impersonate, or whatever the ego demands of us. However, this façade comes at a high cost. When one thinks of themselves as courageous and possessing proper self-esteem, they may be confronted with a bitter reality. I have seen those who prided themselves on high self-esteem, proud of having no insecurities, fall into emotional outbursts when their insecurities are brought to light. How many continue to pride themselves on a proper sense of worth yet wrestle with an identity crisis?
We live in a world of chaos, a world that tries in every way possible to keep all antagonists at bay, and our minds have not been spared. In a world where information is typically at your fingertips, we seem to be lost to cheap content and what one writer observed to be “mindless television.” In such cacophony, self-rediscovery becomes a hard task, for the self will never be discovered after binge-watching seven series or after a night of mindless activities. No, one must sit down with themselves, turn off the noise, face the abyss, and confront their reality.
“The unexamined life is not worth living,” decreed Socrates. So, it is upon you, at least once a week, to ask yourself: Who am I? What are my aspirations? What are my insecurities? Do I have a proper, progressive relationship with my friends, family, and partner? How do I react to uncomfortable, confrontational situations? When was the last time I demanded from myself to truly level up and live up to the ideal of my higher self? The goal of the capitalist regime is to ensure your attention is divided by mindless things, making you complacent in your godforsaken situation.
Let’s agree that it is not okay to sit down for hours watching mindless television. Let’s agree that we have a voice in addressing the issues that engulf us and the people beyond our horizons. Let’s agree that it is within our capacity and ability to let go of our insecurities, work on the trauma, and live up to the expectations of our higher self. Refuse the common trend of being a victim of every misfortune. Find your role and work on it in all forms.
You must heal from the things that trouble you. For the past few weeks, I have been reading a book on trauma, “The Body Keeps the Score” by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. In modern times, everything tends to be labelled as trauma, but we need to be very vigilant about our emotional reactions. Some months ago, a friend trying to comfort me mentioned, “It’s all in your mind.” In retrospect, people tend to repress whatever they are going through, but remember, the body keeps the score.
This continuous repression, a byproduct of an unhealed mind, can lead to self-destructive behaviours like alcoholism or compulsively going to the gym to pump iron. It only takes one trigger for all hell to break loose. This is what we call “losing your mind”—people giving in to their emotional brains, which is always an indicator that someone has not healed from something, whether they know it or not. Heavy alcoholism and continuous emotional outbursts are good indicators that something is not well. “What one sees, the presenting problem, is often only the marker for the real problem, which lies buries in time, concealed by ones shame, secrecy, and sometimes amnesia.”
Dr. Bessel encourages first coming to terms with the reality of the situation by addressing it and having a conversation about it. Healing is not just about overcoming issues from adulthood relationships but, more importantly, addressing those from childhood relationships. Nietzsche, the highly acclaimed German philosopher, once wrote that man’s misfortune was that he was once a child. It is well-known that your blueprint for how you relate to others is a byproduct of your relationship with your caregiver. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has dedicated several chapters to how the minds of children operate.
How you relate to others, your self-regulation, your sense of security, your confidence to try new things, your ability to trust people, and your fear of intimacy are all heavily influenced by your childhood experiences. Perhaps it is time to heal your inner child.
Another area that needs to be studied is the effect of teenage and early 20s relationships. Despite these relationships having a significant impact on how we view the world, there has been limited research in this field. I had personally started working on this topic, but unfortunately, I lost my scripts.
Please Read!! That very statement might suffice better in a lecture hall than in a blog, but it is still true. Allow me to explain what I mean. I understand our schedules are full, but please take some time to read proper writings. Whatever you are going through, I promise there is a book on that very subject. Books like “Emotional Intelligence,” “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself,” and “The Mountain Is You” have real transformative power. After examining your life, as we discussed above, go to work on the issues limiting you and live up to your potential. I promise you, there is much about yourself that will be found in the artistic world. This is the power of art: its potential to speak to us and illuminate the things we are trying to run away from. You might think your pain and heartbreak are unprecedented, as J. Baldwin wrote, but then you read.
I don’t intend to rule out films—some are very powerful, like “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” “Good Will Hunting,” and many more. However, in my view, books have a higher potential to transform us. The self will be discovered between the pages of books.
Surround Yourself with People Whose Eyes Light Up When They See You- Andre De Shields, a performing artist, delivered this famous statement in 2023. How does this help in rediscovering the self? The truth is, you will never be at peace in the wrong company or in total isolation. The human mind thrives in a communal environment. However, in the wrong kind of environment, the damage can be much more disastrous. Apostle Joshua Suleman alludes that if you are in a room with five people who never do well, then you are counting it wrong; there are six people.
The potential power of those who surround you is much more than you can imagine, and voluminous studies have been done to prove this. Exist among people who challenge you, those who demand that you live up to their expectations. I don’t intend to appear anti-fun, but if in your circle the only topics are the fun from last night, the fun tomorrow, and other non-progressive escapades, then I have bad news for you: it is time to rethink. Surround yourself with people who make it almost an offense if you don’t show up for yourself every day, and you will become a witness to this gospel.
Acquit Yourself with Pain- This is my last point but the most crucial one. To quote Friedrich Nietzsche again, “We rise through our ashes.” Carl Jung depicted the crucifixion and death of Christ as the unavoidable process one must go through to change. The above points may seem rosy, but here is the truth: it is going to be painful. It is going to cost you your old life. There is a reason why people are afraid of meeting their true selves: the pain in that truth would be unbearable to them. Addressing the issues that limit you will mean long nights reading, long nights at the gym, and, unfortunately, losing friends. Imagine coming to the reality that your failed relationships were a result of your fragile ego and low self-esteem. Imagine realizing that you have sabotaged all progressive things in your life simply because you were afraid of new opportunities. This process is hard. To echo Briana West, it is going to cost you your old life. The process will halfway seem unworthy, but for how long do you intend to play small?
I have written enough, and the message is out there. My question is: Are you not tired of doing the same things and expecting different results? Long nights of unreasonable drinking simply because you are not ready to confront the unhealed version of yourself? For how long are you going to put up with this charade? Don’t you know, according to Saint Paul, that you were bought at a price? If you think it is too hard, let it slide. If it’s too much, you say, life is short; time will tell. For the rest, begin the healing process, get some books, surround yourself with the right people, and come to terms with God—or your gods, spirit, or the universe.
Enough said. Let me return to my political desk. All is not well in the political arena.
