5 Lessons I Wish I Learnt Earlier

I have honestly struggled to come up with an article in the last two weeks; every attempt has proved futile. I have been in what we commonly refer to as writer’s block. There is an article still in the process involving a few aspects of quantum reality. Enough of the whining, let’s embark. But before that, I hope you are doing well and looking forward to a fruitful December. My November has been kind of busy, with three close friends attaining a new age and, on my end, venturing into audio-visual production.

How was the year for you? I hope you learned something new, for in the end, what’s the purpose of life but to learn and find ourselves? I will write on some ideas I scripted in my notes this June.

1. It’s quite unimaginable the amount of work you must do to bring the best version of yourself. Last week, I wrote on this topic of becoming the better version of yourself. If you haven’t read the article yet, you are doing yourself an injustice. The whole crusade on becoming the better version of yourself, as enticing as it sounds, is not exactly that easy. I will assume you have been on a self-development journey. Can we just talk about how demanding it is? Every day you wake up with a checklist. You must hit the gym, read certain books, learn a certain skill, and the list continues. No one talks enough about the guilt one carries when they fail to do something. You have this bucket list in your mind that you must tackle every day. On a personal note, this has not been one of the best weeks, and the guilt within oneself is just so much.

Possibly you want to start this journey of becoming your higher self. It’s not going to be easy; it’s as simple as that. Remember as well, for you to attain your higher self, there are three areas you must work on. Allow me to borrow from one of my earlier writings on my page, “In my understanding, there are three areas of concern: physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. The physical aspect comprises many things, beginning with your own body. There is no practical way that you are going to commit yourself to this journey and still not hit the gym or do some workout. You simply can’t just eat anything. Regarding the mental aspect, there are two foundational areas: the development of rationality and emotional intelligence (as described in Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, which emphasizes being angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way). In short, emotional intelligence. Lastly, there is spiritual well-being. From my own experience, the question is not whether God exists but in what form. God must exist. To neglect any of these three areas of development is to risk your well-being.”

To immerse yourself in this journey demands patience. You need to understand that things are not going to happen overnight. The books you read are not going to pay off immediately, and the application of knowledge takes time. But I hope you have immersed yourself in this journey because, like Epictetus said, you need to commit your life to making progress.

2. You must critically study your mind, figure out your emotions and behaviour patterns. For those who follow my philosophy-based writings, in my last writing, I addressed this. I know you would like to entertain the idea that you are complicated, but you are not. I did not say you are unique. Many people walk with a delusion that they are complicated, hard to figure out. Wake up from the slumber. No one is hard to figure out, for we all adhere to certain behaviour patterns. The easiest way to learn what to expect from someone is simply to study their patterns; everyone adheres to a certain pattern. There is a reason after all unless one does much work; life goes in the same tide. I have heard people say, “I always date the wrong kind of people,” “I am just unlucky with my jobs,” “I am not good with friendships and relationships,” “I am just a high-tempered person.” These are nothing but byproducts of who we are. Indeed, anyone, as Carl Jung writes, can change who they are – behaviours, personalities – by changing their thoughts or doing the shadow work. So you’re not unlucky; you just think you are, and so that has become your life. If you are insecure, people will notice, simple as that. They might not exactly identify what it is, but as sure as hell they will do. You see how you notice confidence, the same is for low self-esteem. Get to work and probably do yourself a favour to figure out yourself. There is a chance you have never met yourself; you led your life according to the expectations of people and society. Just think of the hundreds of people with identity crises. I remember a senior once mentioned to me that this continuous pursuit of being something different every time – changing my hairstyles and such – was nothing but a projection of identity crisis. There is a reason after all teenagers and people in their early twenties want every tattoo and piercing – don’t get me wrong, I am not against it, but just take your time to find the motive, for there lie the answers. Unless you study yourself, you will continue being the person you are today for the rest of your life. If you think you are unlucky today, just wait for the next ten years; you will be more unlucky. Unless you alter the patterns, your life will never change.
3. Sometimes you are the wrong person. I once made a joke that I am more suited to give advice on what one should not do in a relationship rather than vice versa. Well, by then, yours truly was maintaining quite the streak of ruining relationships. It’s easier to blame the other party when things don’t go well; it absolves ourselves from the mistakes. I have always maintained, and maybe it’s a bit extreme, but in every confrontation, every party has a role to play. In anything, please, before you start cussing out and blaming someone else, just ask yourself deeply, what was my role in this? Then again, if you find fault, maturity demands, at the right time, to seek apologies. Your apology might not be accepted, but to quote Mark Twain, you will regret the things you did not do more than the things you did. So call that friend and try to make amends.
4. It finally pays when you commit yourself to being that person. I think one of the most frustrating things when you commit yourself towards something is how your life and peripheral changes. When moving from point A to point B, please understand that with elevation comes new things in life. There is what we call the isolation period; you are not yet where you seek to be, and you are no longer where you were. This period is the most frustrating but hear me out; it finally pays. Things might not seem to be but recall everything affects everything. Your future self is somewhere clapping at all the efforts you have made. Let not the comfort of yesterday ruin the serenity of tomorrow. If you were to tell someone who just got heartbroken that it gets easier, he might think you are nuts, but we all know that it does. If you truly commit yourself, without a doubt, you will emerge victorious. Give time, time, and guess what, in the perfection of time, says the Lord, I am going to make everything right.
5. The only competition is against your former self. Ernest Hemingway once wrote that there is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. I am sure you have heard that quote many times, but how many times have you reflected on it? The only true competition is against your former self. If you are improving every day, making moves as small as they might be, then I have news for you: you are winning, buddy. It is as simple as that. In one of my early writings, I discussed this notion, “comparison is a bad precedent.” Your life is not made more valuable because you are better than someone else, but because you overcome yesterday’s battles. Look yourself in the mirror every day and understand there stands your competition.

Anyway, next week I will resume lengthy and more detailed writings; I will hopefully be out of my writer’s block. Anyway, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. And hey, a big thank you for reading to this point.